I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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