and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
