win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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