I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I need a burrito and a hug.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
