Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
