Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
