i jhust puked up my retainher.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
