Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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