Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
