So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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