They should really pass out barf bags in church
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My ass is underappreciated
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
