so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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