She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
