Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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