I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
