So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize