I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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