she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
God gave him joint rollers for hands
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
