Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
