he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think my fart just growled at me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
