great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
