honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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