dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
