Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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