I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize