Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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