I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
