The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
