Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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