okay pat passed out under dana's car
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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