So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
