I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
