so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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