is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize