If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
