wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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