He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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