There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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