smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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