woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize