He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
