Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Damn victory sex feels great
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
