I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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