if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
