then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize