Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
