Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
