My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
