im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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