Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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