I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
