if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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