Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
