i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
