I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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