everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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