if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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