I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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