You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
