In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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