Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
no, he came in my armpit
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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