i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
