Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
