just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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