K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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