WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
