oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
