I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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