You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
