This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
