She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
