Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just want nice things and good sex
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
