I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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