that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
