dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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