I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
that is very illegal...i love you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
