Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Randomize
