we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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