I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
