im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
