I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
