i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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