the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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