btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize