Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
