I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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