i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
