i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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