We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
