The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize