Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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