R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
