thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
