I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
