and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
