his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
