Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
