I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize