i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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