i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
