my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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