Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize