am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
