So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
